Clintastrophes
by Joki of Sassgard
Summary: Coffee. Clint dragged himself into the kitchen and took a sip of the hot beverage... and that was the last thing he remembered... Join Tony and Clint as they attempt to unravel Clint's sleepwalking mystery. And as Tony gets some long overdue revenge. *SEQUEL to my other fic, STARK FAILS* Follow and favorite so you don't miss out!


**A/N: Welcome one and all, to my newest Fanfiction endeavor.**

 **For all you newbies: Please note that this series can stand alone, but it'll probably make more sense if you read the prequel, STARK FAILS.**

 **For my regular readers: The poll has spoken and Clint Catastrophes is the winner! Wether or not you believe in karma, Clint is about to get a mouthful of it *evil maniacal laughter***

 **Enjoy!**

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Coffee.

That was the first thought that pried its way into Clint's minds as he dragged himself into the kitchen. Why did mornings have to come so early? Rubbing his tired eyes, Clint brought the hot liquid to his mouth and drank.

And that was the last thing he remembered.

 _*HONK HONK HONK*_

The unforgiving, persistent noise banged against Clint's skull. Stupid alarm clock. He reached out his hand to slap the snooze button but found only empty space.

 _*HONK HONK HONK*_

Wait. That sounded nothing like the alarm. It sounded like… a car horn?

Hawkeye cracked one eye open, trying to adjust to the sudden onslaught of harsh sunlight. Upon realizing he was outside, Clint became completely awake and took everything in at one.

He was outside, sitting on a Vespa, stopping traffic on a road he didn't recognize. There was also a monkey on his shoulder.

"What the wha-" he murmured. "I must still be sleeping."

"MOVE IT, DUDE!" someone angrily yelled from behind.

Still sure he was dreaming, Clint drove to the side of the road and parked. "Time to wake up now," he told himself, shaking his head. The monkey started screeching and pulling his hair. "Ow, ow, ow!" Clint slowly worked that animal off his head and stared at it. Weren't you not supposed to feel pain in dreams?

The culprit for the monkey's panic pulled up next to Clint in a red, flashy sports car and none other than Tony Stark climbed out, running up to the expert archer.

"Tony what it the world is-"

Clint's demand for an explanation was cut to an abrupt end when Tony slapped him across the face, almost knocking him off the scooter in surprise.

"What's your deal?!" Clint yelled, poised for a fight.

"Whoa, calm down," Tony held up his hands in surrender. "I needed to make sure you were awake."

"What in the world is going on?" The monkey climbed off Clint's shoulder and ran into the car. Tony and Clint watched it.

"That thing had better be house broken."

Clint was losing patience. "Tony, stay on subject."

"Right," Tony shook his head slightly like he was dislodging all his irrelevant thoughts. "Get in, I'll explain on the way."

Still not entirely sure that he was awake, Clint climbed into the passenger seat. The monkey returned to his shoulder and Tony gave his over-due explanation.

"I was experimenting with sedatives a few weeks ago, trying to find one that would work on Cap should we ever need one," Tony merged back into the traffic. "I realized too late that I forgot to get rid of the failed stuff and it somehow ended up in your, uh…. Coffee."

"Wait a second," Clint interrupted. "A few week ago?"

Tony decided it would be best to just rip the bandage off instead of dancing around the truth. "You've been sleepwalking for two and a half weeks."

Monkey screeches were the only noise for a while. "That doesn't explain the monkey-"

"I believe it's a Capuchin."

"The scooter-"

"That was a funny sight."

"Or the fact that-" Clint looked down and noticed something else for the first time. "Why am I in a kilt?"

Chuckling, Tony added, "I wondered if you'd ever realize that."

"Cut the snark, Stark," Clint deadpanned, getting fed up with this. "What. Happened."

Shifting uncomfortable in his seat, Tony admitted. "Not entirely sure. I sort of…. lost you until now."

Clint blinked.

"Before you go off on a rant," Tony cut in before Clint could say anything. "No one else knows what happened yet, and I plan to get to the bottom of this before they do. We can retrace your steps, making sure you didn't start a world war or anything," he chuckled.

"This isn't funny." Clint crossed his arms.

Tony looked at the monkey and the kilt. "It kinda is."

Still trying to process everything, Clint came up with the only comeback he could. "You hit like a girl."

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 **A/N: If you think this series will follow Clint's catastrophes of sleepwalking (Hm? Hm? See what I did there? XP) then you would be correct. Now for the fun part, I need ideas for the wild shenanigans Hawkeye got into. And also a name for the monkey. Just keep in mind that this is a K+ rated series.**

 **This is where I would put when the next chapter update will be, but I honestly have no idea. Let's just play this one by ear and see where it goes... Thanks for reading!**


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